smiling is not my thing
a bruised faced seven year old torn
unhappy family drunk and fighting
rape instills the image
smile for the camera son
I said “smile! fucking smile! you lil’ puke”
a fascist father
a pacifist mother
I cannot tell a lie
for the truth releases
a rebellious revolutionary
alone and fed-up
run child run
far from that camera
by twelve, not the tick tock at midnight twelve
salvation was sought on a greyhound
my thumb was a highway star
in the midst of northern BC winters
an icy picture, click-click
hungry and distraught
I walked alone
resisted a snap shot happy society
gleaming poised smiles of fallacies imposed
whims of keen elders entrench their lives
never escapable gallows of denial captured
polaroid, film, and digitally etched memorandums
smile or be chastised
but do not remind us
we know your skeletons
click, winding, click
every shutter of the camera
I hold dead-pan-face
“fuck you! picture this!”
a small boy’s finger projected
remember this image
forget your acceptance
every click and whine haunts me
pictures etched in my memory
christmas, birthdays but not halloween
I got to embody the star child and the beast
now I can smile
click, click, click
good boy
we love you
I want to die